yesterday once more

很好,看來我沒有辦法擺脫毒品了…雖然是自欺欺人的以朋友自居,我想他有可能真的是太寂寞了,需要有人陪伴.昨天我們可以很輕易的聊起我們突然在一起以及我本來就很哈他,加上他的鄰居或好友都嘗試進一步卻只有他得逞,不得不說他真的頓時有驕傲了起來

一整個膽小不敢一個人睡,又或許是怕孤單寂寞,邀請他到我家的小房間睡又害怕被砍(唬弄他有鬼和被砍真的很好笑)嘲笑我的葡文口音你的中文口音,實在很難相信我們可以聊的這麼開,所有的回憶與感覺又都回來

Ok, I should admit he is still charming and cute, and I really wanna keep going with him. I tried to behave normal for the whole night and probably because of the beer, we started to talk about what we had before, those times we were together or even those gus/girls we are interested in.

我們是真的都看的很開還是我在自欺欺人? 有些小動作讓我不得不在意,蓋同條被子看電影,不經意的肢體接觸,稱讚我的按摩(我想這也是唯一他懷念的 L)看你在新買的床上興奮的翻滾,彈跳,剎時覺得你就是個可愛的孩子

“r u afraid of me?” I am so remember when you asked me, sometimes I think probably something will happen, but maybe not only 2 of us and I really cannot imagine if only 2 of us…and suddenly ur girlfriend called, we needed to be quiet, “oi, bebe..@#$”, I don’t want to know, just enjoy the moment. You said she is jealous, yeah, and I just didn’t say if she knows what happened between and I stayed in ur house last night, well,

身高ok,亞洲人perfect (他承認他是日本控), 語言沒問題,有問題的是我的年紀!!

離題一下: 我們小獅子要搬家了…今天中午遇到他,他說是我最後一次在這條路上遇到他了, oh no!他要搬到遙遠的地方去了,他果然還是這樣,只要發現有人要attack我, I love you 或是保護我的動作就會出現,下次要怎麼治他呢?

這篇很混亂,把所有想得到的東西亂七八糟的拼起來...

back or not?

What can I say if I am happy or no when I received those sentences?

I tried to forget and I KNEW I almost forget what we had

but suddenly ur words appear! It's wierd and freak me out! I even can not focus on my job, need to bite myself to know if that is true...

anxious and anxious

how can u behave we r really old friends and normal for u to say we didnt meet for a long time. SHOULD WE?

still cannot kick u out of my mind, compare them with u all the way, all the time, L is the one who may compete with u, and i was trying with him then u show up! why why why? Is this another game or bet in vacation? I dont know, I need ur answer

Marie and I r suffered tonite, her someone stoped avoiding her and talked with her on msn first! how surprise it is! we have the same situation and they came from the same house...rsrs

let's see how drug can return...

it's just a story

Actually I am selfish, really!

Just because of fun, because I didnt have for a long time, so, I did it.

Maybe it's not something about moral but everything just cannot go back.

He is a friend, the friend u met not so often, usually say something stupid when u meet.

but it still happened,

When I tried to say goodbye and left the party, he was there with another friend,

during the conversation, suddenly he put his finger on my neck start to flirt.

Of course I knew the meaning and just pretended and told myself, Im going home so soon, so, nothing is going to happen, let him do it, it's fine...

Probably his friend noticed and left, he asked me if he can kiss me.

At first, I told him, we cannot coz we r friends, but he said he wanna kiss me from long time ago

It's been a long time I didnt do anything, I hesitated, also tried to escape from the memory of another HIM.

so, I said, ppl r around here, Im kind of embarassed

then he took me to the back of the house

and we started...

When everything finished or actually during the period, I didnt feel excited, moreover, i compared him with HIM. Maybe after few minutes, I can get used to him, i told myself. Unfortunately, even till the end, or I almost tried to give up in the middle. Even he was much tender than HIM, treated me better than HIM, but I just couldnt stop thinking about HIM.

I talked about this situation to Ro on the next day, she said it's normal to compare, but stop trying those stupid things again, it's not even fair to myself. It's true, how should I behave next time when I saw the friend? (In fact, we met unexpectedly after one day and I was stunned and tried to run away...)

Well, just stop such stupid behaviors, and move ur life!! It's a life, not a game! U will never be able to reset!

*If u know who is him or HIM, please dont ask me if that is the rite answer, por favor!

清純少女小V

昨天,室友V主動來找我聊天,我想最主要的目的也就是聊跟O先生相關的事
V是個21歲剛自己獨立住在外面的孩子(這跟一年前的我不是很像嗎? 哈哈)
從小在日式家庭下長大(就是跟一般巴西女孩不同啦)所以今年剛搬進我們家時就像是個初出茅廬的小女孩,我們帶她見識了許多大場面(是他自己說的)

O先生對她出擊但是除了聊天說話外就沒有進一步了,因為我們的小可愛V害怕影響到這家裡的和諧,哈哈,為了O先生,我跟另一個室友馬小姐到現在都還沒說話 = =,所以囉,小V比較理性,向毒品說不!!可是怎之初出茅廬的她就這樣被O先生騙到了心(Orz,這年頭的小女孩也太好拐了)開始覺得自己into him...well,我真的可以理解O先生的功力,所以就用過來人的心態跟小V聊了聊

不難理解,以小V這樣純情的少女不被O先生的花言巧語所攻陷真的很難,但這故事也告訴了我們,巴西男孩真的不可信,怎麼說呢,我剛到的第一天,在個趴踢場合中跟O先生聊了一下,他就說他在我不在的這段期間交了女朋友.

這在我心中可是投了顆震撼彈,一整個超出我的想像,我想說兩個半月頂多跟10個女孩接吻或是拍拍手的,沒想到是認真的女朋友!!但我也只能說it's ok,不然是要一哭二鬧三上吊嗎?不過是由他親口告訴我,倒是讓我心慰了一下,表示他還算有點良心, i need to be a good guy,他這樣告訴我, 瞬間,我什麼也都說不出口,這個趴踢頓時都不好玩了...

不是要說小V嗎?怎麼又扯回他,anyway,我們家小V,祝你在感情這條路上一帆風順,要玩玩也可以,千萬別耗掉太多真心,療傷時可累的,姐姐們可是有練過的喔!!

我到了

等下回家,又是個洗衣-->煮晚餐...我的天堂生活結束了,回到巴西,又是個靠自己的開始.

不知道是因為1.誤會還沒解決2.他的自白3.小獅子,這幾天的生活感覺懶懶的,愉快不起來,即使是剛到的那天有個小啪踢,1個shot的tequila就讓我飄飄然,除此之外,好像沒有什麼更值得述說的了.

很奇怪,開始想念家人, 想念在台灣的生活,比第一次到巴西的時候感覺還強烈,連我自己都覺得莫名其妙. 我想,過些時候就會好了吧...

Complicated

Im going back soon, yes, very soon, although i really want to go back for a long time, i feel a little bit struggle.

My friends here in Taiwan, i even didnt have enough time to say hello, and Im back now. For those my dear friends here, it's another year to meet u, really miss u guys :( I really enjoy the 2 months vacation here in Taiwan, to share my time, to have fun, to talk with u all!!

For my family as well, i used 2 months to catch up everything happened in this house, to understand every of u, and now is the time to seperate again. Well, another year, to see the change of u and me.

DRUG

oh.my.god! it has been a long time i didn't update anything here! but i swear i have some articles are already drafts but just too lazy to put them here....well, i am so great here in Taiwan and going to China this saturday, so...

actually, i just found there is no place for me to write down my personal stuff, for example, on facebook and orkut, most of the friends are overlap; on msn or gtalk,  not to mention, i have no place to hide my personal mood at all. Suddenly, i thought that, yeah, i have my blog and it may help me! (i dont have too much audience here compared to the above tools...)

well, recently, i look like more a traditional girl, live a regular life with my family, climb mountain, do yoga, watch soap opera, sleep late and get up late. however, there is still one thing in my mind: i don't know how to change my life there. Or i should say, i wanna get rid of something/someone, but i don't know if i can do it or not.

Apparently, i am not a winner, but i don't want to be a loser. i told myself, i need to be responsible to what i did and to face all the result. i think i can do most of the part, but just don't know if i have the courage to the last part. honestly speaking, i am addict to...there is no right and wrong, i can understand every behavior among this, sometimes, i want to get out of it, but it seems like u take the drug, u will never say no.

Too many times, i really try to give up, i dont think i can unless i find another drug to complete my life. The feeling: excited, happy, right, dark, moving, but when u see the first sunshine, u will know, everything is fake. But when the next time coming, u won't say no.  I wanna cry when i am alone, but i cannot show that. 

be strong and trust only urself.

nothing is pure and honesty is not exist.